A week ago my sister and I took a relatively short road trip down to the New Jersey Shore. I love spending time with my sister because we have the unique bond of the discussing our upbringing. We often talk about the right or wrong things our parents did and what we do differently and what we loved.
We got on the subject of relationships with men, friends, jobs..etc (good and bad) …and that’s when my sister said something that would change my life forever! She said if I had one piece of advice to give a young girl it would be: “Always do what you need or have to do… NO MATTER what is going on”
Here are four tips needed to equip your daughters with the “Keep your eyes on the prize” mindset.
- Teach your daughters to define who they want to be.
Allow your daughter’s freedom to be their true selves while giving them the guidance to stay on track.
2. Teach your daughters that they should always believe in themselves, even if no one else does.\ Many times we are “ahead of the curve” with our thinking, so keep on believing until others catch on.
3. Be Bold
Stand up when everyone is sitting down and do what needs to be done to accomplish your goals.
4. If and when you find yourself “off track” Get up as quickly as you can… and never look back.
“If there is no enemy within, the enemy outside can do us no harm”. –African Proverb
Mornings are crazy !!!!! It seems like the time speeds up but my world slows down.
“Kennedy, we have to go NOW!”
Kennedy responds, “Ok!”
Ten minutes later…she still isn’t ready.
Do you know what a ten minute delay means for me? Driving fast and stressing myself out. Kennedy and I also end up being late. We get in the car and there is tension and then of course, I have to give her a lecture.
The lecture always goes a little something like this:
“How do I run on the treadmill, do squats and sit ups, make your breakfast, bring it to your room, make your lunch and get myself dressed in time, but you can’t even put on your clothes and brush your teeth?”
Kennedy sits there and says nothing. I feel bad and our day is off to
a rocky start.
One day instead of yelling “Kennedy, it’s time to go!”
I decided to walk upstairs and address Kennedy differently.
“Kennedy, can I help you with anything?” I asked.
She looked at me and said, “Now that I have breasts, I never know what shirt to wear.”
I almost cried! My 12 year old daughter was going through what so many girls her age go through…body image concerns. I sat in her room and we did a mini fashion show in order to choose the perfect blouse. Although we were both late 😳, my
perspective changed and so did our mornings! Now, we choose shirts ahead of time and I have given Kennedy some pointers on dressing during puberty.
Next time, communicate with your child. You may be surprised by what’s on your daughter’s mind.
I love my mother, but we never really spoke. I wasn’t really sure what my mother thought of me. I knew she cared about me, my parents did an excellent job providing for me, but my mother and I never really communicated.
I missed a lot of lessons growing up, I learned mostly from non-verbal communication. I often looked to my friends mothers for queues on parenting and thank God for my older sister…she often role modeled as a mother for me.
As I have lived my life I have had ups and downs, I have worked for years studying mothers, daughters and the powerful bond that exists; and in that time I have learned 8 things that I wish my mother would have told me.
Lesson one : Live in your truth
Be your authentic self… It takes courage to be your TRUE self! Don’t allow people to label you, be who you want to be. Live in your truth and be unapologetically you.
Lesson two: You are unique and valuable
Oh darling out of the billions of people on this earth there is only ONE of you. You have ideas no one has, a voice no one has and talents designed specifically for you. The world wouldn’t be the same with you. Let your light shine!
Lesson three: Learn to listen to your intuition and trust it
You always know… Trust your gut, your thoughts and your hesitations; they will always stare you down the right path.
Lesson four: Always Believe in yourself and demand respect
We all have doubts … use your doubts as fuel to enhance yourself. Understand yourself and trust in your abilities. Give and expect respect … Always
Lesson five: The universe is always on your side
Prepare yourself and take the leap! Live your life without regrets.
What you truly put in your mind to will happen.
Lesson six : You are more than enough
Make this your mantra, live by it and believe it.
Lesson seven: Failure and success are synonymous
I have always hated the word “failure”… I like the word “lesson” better. I have learned that in your greatest failure…you will find the magic of success.
Lesson eight: Never, never settle…. Never
Set your goals and work hard, smart and with commitment to achieve them. You deserve the best…do not settle!
Dr. Donna Cill
“The most important thing in communication is to hear what isn’t being said” -Peter F Drucker
Effective communication is key to a successful relationship. Communication is one of the most critical skills that can “make you…or break you”. In the mother daughter relationship this skill has an incredible impact on the trajectory of your daughters life.
Let us talk for a moment about the critical nature of non-verbal communication. What is non-verbal communication: our gestures, facial expressions, distance, body language, body movements, distractions, touch, etc. According to Albert Mehrabian only 7% of communication is verbal which means …93% of communication is NON-VERBAL.
Here are Five tips to effectively communicate “NON-Verbally “with your daughter :
The most critical piece is knowing the correct time to have a conversation. Choose a time that you are both relaxed and in an “open” mood. Maybe cook your daughters favorite meal or go for a walk.
- Keep it Short
Be concise! Say it once or twice and stop.
Research has shown that advice from your mother holds a lot of weight. Trust me, your daughter heard you the first time. Saying something more than two times is considered “ranting” and it can cause your daughter to shut down.
- Planting the seed
The average persons immediate response is to reject a new idea. So take your time. Allow your daughter to “ease’ into the idea. Suggest something once on different occasions…if you do this correctly, without realizing it, your daughter will begin to believe your seed was her original idea.
The universal language of approval and warmth.
- Pay Attention
When your daughter is speaking to you. Stop what you are doing, to show her that her words are valuable. In return she will learn to do the same.
Dr. Donna Cill